
In search of a humorous saying on your wedding ceremony speech, toast or card?
One thing that may make the comfortable couple and everybody else chuckle out loud?
Then at the moment’s put up is simply what you want. In it I need to share 100 of the wittiest and finest humorous wedding ceremony quotes.
Use one or a few them for one of many three issues talked about above or for social media posts, group chats or texts to make this celebration of affection a enjoyable and lighthearted one.
Table of Contents
Humorous Marriage ceremony Quotes That Will Make You and Everybody on the Celebration Giggle
“The most effective factor you are able to do is locate an individual who loves you for precisely who you might be: good temper, dangerous temper, ugly, fairly, good-looking, what have you ever. The correct individual remains to be going to suppose the solar shines out of your ass. That’s the form of individual that’s price sticking with.”
– Juno
“I really like being married. It’s so nice to seek out that one particular individual you need to annoy for the remainder of your life.”
– Rita Rudner
“Getting married is like buying and selling the adoration of many for the sarcasm of 1.”
– Mae West
“The primary draft of my vows, which I wrote the day after we bought engaged, clocked in at round 70 pages.”
– Lelsli Knope (from the TV-show Parks and Recreation)
“I’m married to a really uncommon individual, however perhaps it took a really uncommon individual to be prepared to marry me.”
– Fiona Shaw
“Bear in mind, we’re head over heels in love, so it’s alright to kiss me anytime you are feeling prefer it.”
– Suzanne Collins, The Starvation Video games
“She’s your lobster. C’mon you guys. It’s a identified proven fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for all times. You may really see previous lobster {couples}, strolling round their tank, you realize, holding claws.”
– Phoebe Buffay (from the TV-show Mates)
“My spouse had us register for high-quality china, since you by no means know when the Pope goes to swing by and desire a microwaved scorching canine on a $200 plate.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Some folks ask the key of our lengthy marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two instances per week. Somewhat candlelight, dinner, delicate music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I’m going Fridays.”
– Henny Youngman
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a person who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a girl who can’t sleep with the window open.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“You understand your voice is form of good when your mouth isn’t screwing it up. Yeah and also you appears are form of fairly. When your face isn’t screwing it up.”
– The Goonies
“I really like that you simply get chilly when it’s 71 levels out. I really like that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I really like that you simply get a little bit crinkle above your nostril whenever you’re me like I’m nuts. I really like that after I spend the day with you, I can nonetheless scent your fragrance on my garments. And I really like that you’re the final individual I need to speak to earlier than I fall asleep at night time.”
– When Harry Met Sally
“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding ceremony as ‘the fusing of two metals with a scorching torch.’ Nicely, you realize one thing? I feel you guys are two medals. Gold medals.”
– Michale Scott, (from the TV-show The Workplace)
“A wedding is at all times made up of two people who find themselves ready to swear that solely the opposite one snores.”
– Terry Pratchett
“We’re all a little bit bizarre. And life is a little bit bizarre. And once we discover somebody whose weirdness is appropriate with ours, we be a part of up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and name it love – real love.”
– Robert Fulghum
Humorous Marriage ceremony Quotes and Sayings for a Speech, Toast or Card
“Love is a perfect factor, marriage an actual factor.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“I married for love however the apparent aspect profit of getting somebody round to seek out my glasses can’t be ignored.”
– Cameron Esposito
“Marriage is a bond between an individual who by no means remembers anniversaries and one other who by no means forgets them.”
– Ogden Nash
“A cheerful marriage is a protracted dialog which at all times appears too quick.”
– André Maurois
“The difficulty with some ladies is that they get all enthusiastic about nothing – after which marry him.”
– Cher
“There are 100 paths by the world which are simpler than loving. However who desires simpler?”
– Mary Oliver
“The key to an excellent marriage is to be a little bit deaf.”
– Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“My most good achievement was my potential to have the ability to persuade my spouse to marry me.”
– Winston Churchill
“Hold your eyes huge open earlier than marriage, half shut afterwards.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Love is blind; marriage is the eye-opener.”
– Pauline Thomason
“Who gained in life? Me. As a result of I bought to marry you.”
– Chip Gaines
“However the factor is that this, after some time, you simply need to be with the one which makes you chuckle.”
– Intercourse and the Metropolis
“I’m not a wise man, however I do know what love is.”
– Forrest Gump
“Marriage is sort of a tense, unfunny, model of All people Loves Raymond, solely it doesn’t final 22 minutes. It lasts endlessly.”
– Pete (from the film Knocked Up)
“A marriage marks the primary day of the remainder of your life. You have got been useless till now. Had been you conscious of that? You’re useless proper now.”
– Bride Wars
“Should you’re considering of getting married, you may as properly study proper now that it’s a must to let ladies be ladies.”
– Whats up, Dolly!
“I can’t make you like me, however I can fill my pantry along with your favourite snacks and give you a weekly stipend of $75.”
– Rob Delaney
“Michelle’s like Beyoncé in that music, ‘Let me improve ya!’ She upgraded me.”
– Barack Obama
“Should you can keep in love for greater than two years, you’re on one thing.”
– Fran Lebowitz
“Ensure you have date night time even when it’s as soon as in a blue moon as a result of more often than not you’re simply too drained and also you’d really favor to sleep.”
– Chris Hemsworth
“Clearly, if I used to be critical about having a relationship with somebody long-term, the final folks I’d introduce him to could be my household.”
– Chelsea Handler
Humorous Marriage ceremony Quotes for Mates
“To maintain your marriage brimming, with love within the loving cup, everytime you’re fallacious, admit it; everytime you’re proper, shut up.”
– Ogden Nash
“For marriage to be a hit, each girl and each man ought to have her and his personal rest room. The tip.”
– Catherine Zeta-Jones
“Love is a two-way avenue continuously underneath building.”
– Carroll Bryant
“By all means, marry. Should you get an excellent spouse, you’ll develop into comfortable; if you happen to get a foul one, you’ll develop into a thinker.”
– Socrates
“It’s a humorous factor that when a person hasn’t something on earth to fret about, he goes off and will get married.”
– Robert Frost
“Marriage is an excellent invention: then once more, so is a bicycle restore equipment.”
– Billy Connolly
“Look, you need to know what marriage is absolutely like? Tremendous. You get up, she’s there. You come again from work, she’s there. You go to sleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You understand? I imply, I do know that seems like a foul factor, but it surely’s not.”
– Robert (from the TV-show All people Loves Raymond)
“Marriage is not only non secular communion. It’s also remembering to take out the trash.”
– Dr. Joyce Brothers
“A profitable marriage requires falling in love many instances – at all times with the identical individual.”
– Mignon McLaughlin
“One of the simplest ways to get most husbands to do one thing is to recommend that maybe they’re too previous to do it.”
– Anne Bancroft
“Spend a couple of minutes a day actually listening to your partner. Regardless of how silly their issues sound to you.”
– Megan Mullally
“Earlier than you marry an individual, you need to first make them use a pc with gradual web to see who they are surely.”
– Will Ferrell
“Marriage is sort of a graph: It has its ups and downs and so long as issues bounce again up once more, you’ve bought an excellent marriage. If it heads straight down, then you definitely’ve bought some issues!”
– Julie Andrews
“Love is rather a lot like a backache; it doesn’t present up on X-rays, however you realize it’s there.”
– George Burns
“I need to hear that you simply guys watch each episode of The Bachelorette collectively in secret disgrace, or that one bought the opposite hooked on Breaking Dangerous and if both watches it with out the opposite, they’re useless meat. I need to see you guys high-five one another like teammates on a leisure softball crew you each do for enjoyable.”
– Mindy Kaling
“Whenever you love somebody as a lot as I really like you, getting married is the one factor left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?”
– April (from the film Undoubtedly, Perhaps)
“Should you’re ever with a woman that’s too good for you, marry her.”
– Reed Bennett (from the film Valentine’s Day)
“ pal simply informed me that the important thing to a profitable marriage was to argue bare.”
– LeAnn Rimes
“ spouse at all times forgives her husband when she’s fallacious.”
– Milton Berle
“Simply came upon the spouse is writing a e book about our honeymoon known as 50 Shades of Simply OK.”
– Conan O’Brien
“Maintain him. And make him really feel vital. And if you are able to do that, you’ll have a cheerful and great marriage. Like two out of each ten {couples}.”
– Neil Simon
“You understand there’s a identify for people who find themselves at all times fallacious about every part on a regular basis… Husband!”
– Invoice Maher
“I’m so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the opposite, my garments can now be offered at Hole Children.”
– Molly McNearney
Quick and Humorous Marriage ceremony Quotes
“The key of a cheerful marriage stays a secret.”
– Henny Youngman
“ marriage could be between a blind spouse and a deaf husband.”
– Michel de Montaigne
“Marriage has no ensures. If that’s what you’re on the lookout for, go reside with a automotive battery.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Marriage is an try to unravel issues collectively which you didn’t even have whenever you have been by yourself.”
– Eddie Cantor
“If you wish to examine love and marriage, you’ve bought to purchase two separate books.”
– Alan King
“When a person opens a automotive door for his spouse, it’s both a brand new automotive or a brand new spouse.”
– Prince Philip
“I feel anyone who falls in love is a freak. It’s a loopy factor to do. It’s form of like a type of socially acceptable madness.”
– Amy (from the film Her)
“An archeologist is the very best husband a girl can have. The older she will get, the extra he’s in her.”
– Agatha Christie
“I usually wonder if women and men actually swimsuit one another. Maybe they need to reside subsequent door and simply go to at times.”
– Katharine Hepburn
“I’m a really dedicated spouse. And I ought to be dedicated, too – for being married so many instances.”
– Elizabeth Taylor
“Whenever you first get married, they open the automotive door for you. Eighteen years now…as soon as he opened the automotive door for me within the final 4 years – we have been on the freeway on the time.”
– Joan Rivers
“I’ve discovered that solely two issues are essential to maintain one’s spouse comfortable. First, let her suppose she’s having her personal manner. And second, let her have it.”
– Lyndon B. Johnson
“‘I’m’ is supposedly the shortest sentence within the English language. Might it’s that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?”
– George Carlin
“I requested my dad as soon as, ‘How did you and Mum keep married for 33 years?’ And he stated, ‘Nicely, we by no means wished to get divorced on the similar time.’”
– Gwyneth Paltrow
“They are saying all marriages are made in heaven, however so are thunder and lightning.”
– Clint Eastwood
“Actually, if you happen to’re not prepared to sound silly, you don’t should be in love.”
– Emily (from the film A Lot Like Love)
“I really like you. That’s why I make you depressing.”
– Carmen (from the film Actual Girls Have Curves)
“We bought married: society’s resolution to loneliness, lust and laundry.”
– Luke Rhinehart
“I’m on the lookout for somebody to share in an journey that I’m arranging, and it’s very troublesome to seek out anybody.”
– J.R.R. Tolkien (from the e book The Hobbit)
“All males make errors, however married males discover out about them sooner.”
– Purple Skelton
“Marriage is figure. Marriage is a profession. It’s not an journey, you do extra earlier than 5 than most people do all day.”
– Sinbad
“There’s just one approach to have a cheerful marriage and as quickly as I study what it’s I’ll get married once more.”
– Clint Eastwood
“Husbands are like fires. They exit when unattended.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
“In each good marriage, it pays typically to be a little bit deaf.”
– Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Humorous Anniversary Quotes on a Completely happy and Sturdy Marriage
“The primary time you marry for love, the second for cash, and the third for companionship.”
– Jackie Kennedy
“Spend a couple of minutes a day actually listening to your partner. Regardless of how silly his issues sound to you.”
– Unknown
“Males who’ve a pierced ear are higher ready for marriage – they’ve skilled ache and purchased jewellery.”
– Rita Rudner
“All the time get married within the morning. That manner if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the entire day.”
– Mickey Rooney
“My spouse Mary and I’ve been married for forty-seven years and never as soon as have we had an argument critical sufficient to think about divorce; homicide, sure, however divorce, by no means.”
– Jack Benny
“Marriage is sweet for many who are afraid to sleep alone at night time.”
– St. Jerome
“Most of a husband’s life is spent in doing analysis on his spouse.”
– Pawan Mishra
“The person who says his spouse can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Solely married folks perceive you might be depressing and comfortable on the similar time.”
– Chris Rock
“Marriage is absolutely powerful as a result of it’s a must to cope with emotions… and attorneys.”
– Richard Pryor
“A person is already midway in love with any girl who listens to him.”
– Brendan Behan
“In each marriage greater than per week previous, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to seek out, and proceed to seek out, grounds for marriage.”
– Robert Anderson
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly flip it again up. We each vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is enjoyable.”
– Stephanie Ortiz
“Gravitation isn’t answerable for folks falling in love.”
– Albert Einstein
“Marriage is about the most costly manner for the common man to get laundry accomplished.”
– Burt Reynolds
“Behind each nice man is a girl rolling her eyes.”
– Jim Carrey
“Marry a person your individual age; as your magnificence fades, so will his eyesight.”
– Phyllis Diller
Need extra inspiration for wedding ceremony speeches, toasts and playing cards? Then take a look at these short wedding quotes, the inspirational wedding quotes right here and likewise this one with funny love quotes.